Fashionably Late As Usual (12/20/04)
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"Say, AtAT," far too many of you are asking, "what's with being so late with the broadcasts all the time, especially recently?" Well, kiddies, we could tell you that it's due to year-end deadlines for paying gigs, or all the shopping and card-writing associated with this oh-so-festive time of year, or the constant need to chase after (and, alternately, flee from) a two-year-old bent on mayhem and destruction. And all of those factors certainly contribute to our chronic tardiness, but truth be told, the main reason why we're always late is simple: because it's cool. Really! Just ask Apple.

Seriously, just think about how many times the company has been late this year-- officially late, with a formal announcement and everything. The Xserve G5 shipped a month late. iPod minis took an extra three months to make it overseas. Just recently Apple claimed it was on track to launch the Canadian iPod Music Store by the end of November-- and then said it'd be late on the day of the deadline itself. (It was only tardy by a day, but still.) And what about the 3 GHz G5? We're still waiting for that, and it was originally due way back at WWDC in late June.

And the lateness just keeps on keepin' on: barely two weeks ago, Apple said it would still ship its Xsan storage area network software "later this fall"-- but fall is now officially over, and right on cue, Apple has reportedly issued a statement to CNET saying that "Xsan will not ship this year; it will ship early next year." That's a minimum of eleven days late, in case anyone's keeping score. So enterprise IT directors interested in Apple (all two of them) are going to have to wait at least another week and a half before they can get all Xsanned up and slickery.

Total everything up and you may be surprised (but probably not) to find that Apple spent at least three-quarters of 2004 being officially late with one or more products-- and that doesn't include all of the unofficial lateness, like with the speed-bumped Power Macs that were clearly originally intended to ship months before they finally saw the light of day. Yessirree, Apple is just one big, twitchy bundle o' lateness these days. And since everything Apple does is, by definition, the height of fashion and the epitome of cool, obviously "late" is the new black. It's all the rage on the runways in Milan right now-- or, at least it will be, once the models finally show up.

So that's the deal, folks: we care so deeply about your viewing experience that we make sure we're late at least as often as Apple is, thereby acquiring some of Apple's renowned coolness (or "coolth," if you will) by association. Sure, it can be tough forcing ourselves to be so late all the time, but such is our commitment to quality. It's all for you, Damien!


 
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The above scene was taken from the 12/20/04 episode:

December 20, 2004: That whole "John Doe" trade secret lawsuit? Apparently it's all about that Asteroid leak. Meanwhile, you know we're cool, because we're late just like Apple is with Xsan, and PC Magazine declares the eMac to be the "Worst Desktop PC of the Year"-- mmmm, that's good crack!...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 5110: Sued Over A Space Rock (12/20/04)   So about this here latest "Worker Bee" lawsuit: as it turns out, Apple's not suing about leaked iPod specs at all-- or over iPhone details, either, for that matter. No, as it turns out, faithful viewer Howard Martin was right on the money when he guessed that Apple had unleashed the lawyers because of last month's leak about Asteroid, Apple's alleged new audio breakout box for musicians looking to plug an instrument and/or microphone into their Macs for a bit of GarageBand fun...

  • 5112: Unconstructive Criticism (12/20/04)   Sigh... Well, we didn't really want to dignify the insult with any extra traffic, but faithful viewer Moogintroll was only the first of about a kajillion people who insisted that we take PC Magazine to task for proclaiming the eMac to be the "Worst Desktop PC of the Year," so we suppose we ought to say something about it...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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