Sued Over A Space Rock (12/20/04)
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So about this here latest "Worker Bee" lawsuit: as it turns out, Apple's not suing about leaked iPod specs at all-- or over iPhone details, either, for that matter. No, as it turns out, faithful viewer Howard Martin was right on the money when he guessed that Apple had unleashed the lawyers because of last month's leak about Asteroid, Apple's alleged new audio breakout box for musicians looking to plug an instrument and/or microphone into their Macs for a bit of GarageBand fun. Actually, we suppose we can drop the "alleged" qualifier at this point, because Apple wouldn't be suing if it weren't true-- and now there's no doubt that Asteroid is what prompted this latest round of litigationy goodness.

The Mac Observer got hold of some actual court documents, see, and apparently in Apple's quest to identify the Mystery Leaker (to whom we'll probably never refer by that unfortunate moniker again-- ewwww), the company has targeted three rumors sites for information pertaining to the identity of "any individual or individuals who have knowledge regarding the source of posts... disclosing information" about Asteroid. As such, AppleInsider, the PowerPage, and ThinkSecret have all been subpoenaed for anything that might shed some light on whoever's spouting confidential inside info like some sort of trade secret lawn sprinkler. Or something.

Let's be clear, here: Apple hasn't sued any of the sites in question for publishing Asteroid info, nor can we imagine that said sites are under any legal obligation to fork over the info that Apple's fishing for. They've been subpoenaed, sure, but only so that Apple can determine the identity of whoever it was that stole the Asteroid specs in the first place, so that person winds up getting jabbed with the pointy end of the Lawsuit Stick-- which is pretty pointy, considering that Apple is reportedly seeking "monetary damages in excess of $25,000 as well as punitive damages" because the company "will suffer severe and irreparable harm and damage," the extent of which will be "difficult to ascertain."

Personally, we can't see how the Asteroid leak in particular could cause "severe and irreparable harm," since nothing about it sounded all that revolutionary; plenty of other breakout boxes are already on the market, although they sell for more than Apple's rumored price. If anything, Asteroid sounds like even more of a niche product than iSight, and we can't imagine that it could have much of an impact on Apple's bottom line. Then again, we haven't seen GarageBand 2; maybe GarageBand Karaoke will prompt millions to spend over a hundred clams on Asteroid just to hook up a serious microphone. Who knows?

Meanwhile, if the lawsuit is only about the Asteroid leaks, does that imply that none of the rumored flashPod specs and pricing were legit enough to prompt a lawsuit? Possibly-- which might even mean that there's no flashPod at all, and we've all set ourselves up for some Titanic-class disappointment come January 11th. We don't think it's likely, however, given the sources of some of the flashPod rumors. And hey, there's an up side: in Apple's lawsuit, the company states that it thinks "whoever leaked the 'Asteroid' product information is continuing to leak facts of other products"-- which means that there's probably 100 percent Grade A bona fide Dirt™ on the flashPod floating around out there somewhere. So what are you waiting for? Get digging!


 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


 

The above scene was taken from the 12/20/04 episode:

December 20, 2004: That whole "John Doe" trade secret lawsuit? Apparently it's all about that Asteroid leak. Meanwhile, you know we're cool, because we're late just like Apple is with Xsan, and PC Magazine declares the eMac to be the "Worst Desktop PC of the Year"-- mmmm, that's good crack!...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 5111: Fashionably Late As Usual (12/20/04)   "Say, AtAT," far too many of you are asking, "what's with being so late with the broadcasts all the time, especially recently?" Well, kiddies, we could tell you that it's due to year-end deadlines for paying gigs, or all the shopping and card-writing associated with this oh-so-festive time of year, or the constant need to chase after (and, alternately, flee from) a two-year-old bent on mayhem and destruction...

  • 5112: Unconstructive Criticism (12/20/04)   Sigh... Well, we didn't really want to dignify the insult with any extra traffic, but faithful viewer Moogintroll was only the first of about a kajillion people who insisted that we take PC Magazine to task for proclaiming the eMac to be the "Worst Desktop PC of the Year," so we suppose we ought to say something about it...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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