Faithful viewer Paul pointed out another juicy little nugget extracted from the murky depths of Apple's 84-page 10-K form: as reported by ZDNet News, Steve Jobs's regular annual salary for fiscal 2001 was, once again, a dollar. One whopping buck. And while various B-list celebrities may knock themselves out in commercials trying to remind us that you can talk for twenty minutes anywhere in the U.S. for 99 cents, Steve's net salary won't even get him that phone call; after taxes, we figure his Apple earnings are maybe enough to score him a bag of pretzels out of the vending machine down the hall.

Oh, sure, the board of directors also gave him that Gulfstream jet, which certainly makes the whole buck-a-year salary thing go down a little easier, but we still blanch at the sheer injustice of the fact that Steve makes less in a year than we can pull out of the couch in about eight seconds of uninspired groping under the cushions while watching "Married... With Children" reruns. Indeed, Steve makes less than Al Bundy does selling shoes. And, not that Apple isn't doing pretty well these days, but this whole salary issue makes us wonder whether the company might be doing even better if its CEO were compensated a little more appropriately for his assigned duties. Yes, he's kicking butt; but would he be kicking more butt if he got a raise? This is the question that keeps us awake at night.

So, in the interest of promoting the health of Apple, and, therefore, the general welfare of the Macintosh platform, here's what we're a-gonna do: we are hereby introducing the AtAT Jobsian Salary Matching Program. Yes, folks, you heard it here first-- we're offering to double Steve's 2001 salary by kicking in another dollar. And we're not talking about couch-change, here; we're willing to go the extra mile and dig around in our old coat pockets to find actual paper money. How sweet is that?

Wait, it gets better-- remember how, when Apple's directors gave him a $45 million jet, they also handed him another $45 million in cash to offset the tax burden he'd face? Well, we're following suit. In addition to that dollar we're offering Steve, we're also going to kick in... another dollar. That means that, after taxes, Steve will finally get to make that twenty-minute phone call-- and he won't even have to touch a penny of his official Apple salary to do it, so he gets the pretzels, too. All he needs to do is drop us a line and we'll send him a couple of Washingtons as a hearty thanks for a job well done. Heck, it's the least we can do...