Prepare for a quick trip through Disturbingville, folks, because every discussion of karma eventually comes around to the subject of death-- and while it doesn't come up often, we admit that we get awfully nervous when someone makes us think about Steve Jobs's mortality. It's just a deeply troubling concept on so many levels, right? To think that The Man, The Myth, The Legend has a finite lifespan, and that he probably only has another thirty-something years left before he cashes in (and, assuming we've got this right, gets reincarnated as a vole or something). Worse yet, he could get hit by a bus tomorrow. And while we know we previously indicated that Apple had the technology to clone Steve as many times as necessary, we've since been informed by our sources that they had made a typo; what they really meant to report was that Apple had switched from Kleenex to Puffs Plus. (Ooooh, lotiony.)

So we find ourselves back at the same crass and thorny problem: setting aside for a moment the catastrophic loss to all of humanity that Steve's death would represent, if he croaks, what happens to Apple? As Macworld UK reports, analysts realize that "investing in Apple is still investing in Steve Jobs," and we're pretty sure that if the board of directors handed the CEOship to a newborn and mercurial vole, the investors would simply not be cool with that. Suffice it to say that if Steve pushes up the daisies (or heck, retires, or even just quits-- stranger things have been known to happen), Apple's stock price would drop through the floor so fast it'll leave a nice little sonic boom in its wake.

Yes, yes, we know; it's sick to be thinking about a stock price in the context of the passing of Fearless Leader. But we have to look at the practical side of things, folks, because do you really want to go back to the Amelio Years? If nothing else, Steve has transformed Apple from its mid-'90s role as a failed commoditizer back into a company that's all about the innovation, all about Cool Things™-- and without someone at the helm who can keep that vision on track, the future of Apple is very much uncertain. This is a situation for which we really should be psychically prepared: what would happen to Apple sans Steve?

Well, a reader over at Mac OS Rumors has been wondering exactly that, and MOSR reports that, unlike for the CFO position (for which soon-to-retire Fred Anderson has been grooming replacement Peter Oppenheimer for four long years), there's no such grooming happening for the CEO slot: "There are no pre-existing plans of any sort should the unexpected happen, aside from the official line of succession laid out in the corporate charter." About the only assurances we're given that the unthinkable is still decades away are that "Steve is in good health, keeps his work schedule surprisingly sane even with two major corporations to run, and is very happy with where Apple is headed over the next several years."

Okay, that's just great. But we'd still feel a lot better about things if Steve only traveled in, say, a Sherman tank, and never set foot outside the house without first donning a suit of armor. It's all about the peace of mind, you know? Memo to Apple re: that cloning thing: hurry it up, already.