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Hey, Put 'Em BOTH On Stage (11/20/03)
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Oh, sure, there's a lot of stuff going on right now that's far more important and on-topic than what we're about to discuss, but if you don't hear it from us, you may not hear it at all-- and that'd be a crime. So brace yourselves, kiddies, because the Battle of the Billionaire Crappy Dancers is heating up down Redmond way, and things will get ugly before this is all over. And trust us: given the players in this particular little drama, we do mean ugly.
A faithful viewer whose identity we'll protect (let's just call him "Stevie-B") forwarded us a remarkable story in the Las Vegas Sun: reportedly two-year-old security camera footage has surfaced which depicts Emperor Bill Gates living it up in L.V.'s own "The Beach" nightclub, dancing with a woman who is not his wife Melinda and "groping a cocktail waitress" in the hinder area. While there's a chance that it wasn't Bill but rather a lookalike, a Sun business reporter "who has covered Gates for years" believes that it's definitely him, based on "several mannerisms" caught on tape. Also, a source reportedly identified the men escorting the potential Gatesalike out of the club as Bill's bodyguards.
Now, your first reaction may well be outrage that the married Mr. Bill was out frolicking with unMelindas and getting grabby with the help, and that's a perfectly healthy response. On the other hand, you might instead see Bill's actions as a harmless night out, perhaps even with a visiting cousin-- who knows? And as for the alleged groping incident, all that really tells us is that Bill plans to run for governor someday. No matter, because it's all just background to the real crime here, anyway-- namely, Bill's public display of a lack of rhythm so profound that the angels themselves did weep. And vomit. And experience mild seizures.
Reportedly the tape shows Bill as he "wildly throws his arms in the air, spins indiscriminately and gyrates his hips in sync with his dance partner," and the Sun wisely omits any still or video footage out of concern for the cardiac and digestive health of its readership, opting only to note that "Elaine Benes would have been proud."
So, first we had Ballmer's onstage Monkeyboy dance, and now there's allegedly footage of Gates tripping the light barftastic. Why do we get the feeling that to be a Microsoft billionaire, it's not your soul you have to sell, but rather your sense of rhythm? (Then again, what's the difference?)
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SceneLink (4348)
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 | | The above scene was taken from the 11/20/03 episode: November 20, 2003: Rumor has it that the 90-nanometer G5s will find their way into shipping Macs come March. Meanwhile, word gets out that service providers making certain minor repairs to Power Mac G5s are required to replace the entire enclosure (at $475 a pop), and security camera footage raises a question for the ages: who's the worse dancer, Ballmer or Gates?...
Other scenes from that episode: 4346: January, March, Whatever (11/20/03) Say, remember a couple of months ago when IBM mentioned its plans to start shipping 90-nanometer processors by the end of the calendar year? And remember how we fomented a rabid wild-eyed frenzy of violent anticipation among our viewers by blithely and irresponsibly leading you to assume that said year-end 90-nanometer chips would include updated G5s that would propel the Power Mac ever deeper into its current role as the darling of the tech set?... 4347: "Eh, Better Replace It All" (11/20/03) Uh-oh, there goes Apple, "drawing ire" again. It's no secret that third-party Apple resellers and service providers have had a lot to complain about in recent years as far as policies from the Mothership are concerned; indeed, many of them point to signs that Apple wants them all to quit and go away, leaving the entire market for itself-- signs like increasingly-unreasonable reseller contracts, Apple's own online and retail stores seemingly getting first dibs on high-demand new products, and Steve Jobs turning up to reseller meetings wearing a t-shirt that says "WE WISH YOU'D ALL QUIT AND GO AWAY."...
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