Tales Of The Implausible (10/21/03)

So is everyone digging the new fall shows? It's a magical time of year, you know, what with all the new televisual neatness saturating the airwaves. (New episodes of "The Brak Show" alone are enough to put a spring in our step.) That said, occasionally new series crop up that we just don't buy even for a second, and we're not just talking about that insipid and monumentally incompetent remake of "Coupling." Here's the part where we all say "ha" a lot: believe it or not, "Redmond Justice" is back, this time in a warmed-over sequel spinoff with a premise so ludicrous it makes "Baywatch Nights" look like E freakin' R.

Yes, folks, it's "Redmond Justice 2: A Spine Grows In Washington," in which we're supposed to believe that the Justice Department has returned to its classic first-season roots. You remember the old DoJ, right? Filing the antitrust suit in the first place? Sending David "I Ate Three Companies Less Anticompetitive Than You For Breakfast" Boies to make Microsoft the laughingstock of the courtroom? Seeking a conviction, and getting it? Seeking a Microsoft breakup order, and getting that too? Yeah, you remember all that great stuff.

Of course, the show dragged on so long that once the White House changed hands, the DoJ suddenly went all jellyfish on us; despite having proved that Microsoft did in fact violate the Sherman Antitrust Act (a finding that stood upon appeal, we might add), the feds eventually opted for a settlement with Redmond that, as far as remedies go, ranked right up there with trying to put out a forest fire with a Super Soaker and a "Fire Is Bad" t-shirt. "Toothless" was a word that came up a lot when people discussed the terms of Microsoft's penance. We instead opted for "brainless," but hey, that's just us.

Well, get this: according to the Associated Press, Microsoft is all-too-predictably violating even the terms of that "toothless" settlement; reportedly when one clicks on Windows XP's "Shop for Music Online" button, the resulting web page pops up in Internet Explorer, even if the user had previously specified, say, Netscape as his or her default browser; that's apparently a no-no according to the settlement terms. That part we believe. The bit we find far-fetched is that the DoJ reportedly had enough backbone to have "formally complained to a federal judge" about the alleged infraction. Strains believability just a tad, wouldn't you say? Maybe they hid behind the 19 state attorneys general when they did it.

Assuming that it's true, the DoJ and the attorneys general have asked a judge to intervene "if the dispute isn't resolved by week's end," but given that the judge in question is the same Colleen Kollar-Kotelly who approved the slap-on-the-wrist settlement in the first place, the most we expect is some finger-wagging, a sly wink, and an indulgent smile. Even if you ignore the outlandish premise, the plot's a little thin; frankly, we don't expect this show to last through Thanksgiving.

SceneLink (4284)
And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors

Mash-ups and original music by AtAT's former Intern and Goddess-in-Training

Prim M at YouTube


The above scene was taken from the 10/21/03 episode:

October 21, 2003: If you put your mind to it, you just might be able to score a retail copy of Panther a few days early. Meanwhile, Apple takes definite steps toward expanding the iTunes Music Store north of the border, and Microsoft tests the terms of its antitrust settlement as the Justice Department watches, worries and even complains...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4282: Smells Like Teen Panther (10/21/03)   Something special's in the wind, people, and it's so close we can smell it! Can't you just smell it? Go on, grab yourself a lungful-- treat those nostrils. Snnnffffffffahhhhhhhhhhh! Unless we're sorely mistaken, that's the smell of Panther approaching, kids, and it's only three days away. That scent marks the impending end of an agonizing months-long wait and the imminent Exposé-ing of Mac users the whole world over. (Those with delicate sensibilities should avert their eyes.) Yes, that heady aroma will just keep getting stronger and stronger, until finally on Friday night at 8 we won't just be able to smell Panther; we'll also be able to see it, touch it, buy it, install it, and yes, even lick it...

  • 4283: Great White North Boogie (10/21/03)   Okay, we decline to mention how we know this ("We plead the fifth! The fifth, we tell you!"), but if you've ever wondered whether laundering money through iTunes gift certificates would allow Canadians (and anyone else) to circumvent the iTunes Music Store's "must have a credit card with a U.S. billing address" technical bugaboo, wonder no more-- it wouldn't. Trust us...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(1188 votes)

As an Amazon Associate, AtAT earns from qualifying purchases

DISCLAIMER: AtAT was not a news site any more than Inside Edition was a "real" news show. We made Dawson's Creek look like 60 Minutes. We engaged in rampant guesswork, wild speculation, and pure fabrication for the entertainment of our viewers. Sure, everything here was "inspired by actual events," but so was Amityville II: The Possession. So lighten up.

Site best viewed with a sense of humor. AtAT is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Keep hands inside car at all times. The drinking of beverages while watching AtAT is strongly discouraged; AtAT is not responsible for damage, discomfort, or staining caused by spit-takes or "nosers."

Everything you see here that isn't attributed to other parties is copyright ©,1997-2023 J. Miller and may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without his explicit consent (or possibly the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but we doubt it).