It's All About The Tunes (9/30/03)
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With the iPod now well into its third generation, scads of Apple-watchers are wondering just what sort of spiffy new features Apple has up its sleeve to keep future versions of the market's leading digital audio player fresh and crispy. Will integration with other iLife applications eventually allow us to view photos and video on our 'Pods? (Steve says no, but hope springs eternal.) Will they incorporate mobile phone technology so we can place and answer calls without switching earbuds? And the biggest question of all, the issue on everyone's mind today: will they dispense Pez? Why, the possibilities seem endless (and occasionally kinda dumb).

Well, the message from AppleInsider is not to go thinking too far afield when it comes to future iPod feature sets. "The iPod has become a brand and will not stray from its roots," claims AI's source-- meaning that its "primary focus will remain strictly on music." If that's true, then apparently we can forget all about extraneous goofiness like video, photography, and tart but tasty little pellets of colored sugar; the iPod is sticking entirely to distinctly music-related features-- you know, contacts, calendars, Solitaire, that kind of stuff. (The first one to mention "musical 'notes'" gets a smack upside the head.)

The good news is, in order to "retain a fresh stream of ideas" when determining what music-related features should be incorporated into the iPod line, Apple isn't just relying on the notions of its own cloistered think tank; reportedly it's also enlisting the help of real-life members of its key demographic: Stanford students. (Who knew?) So apparently there are some honest-to-goodness 18-to-24-year-olds shaping the future of the iPod, which will emphasize "quality over quantity" and "refinements... to its integrated OS and physical hardware" without simply relying on bigger disks to drive sales. Not that there isn't a market for "20,000 songs in your pocket," but we sense Apple's about to hit the wall on that selling point.

The good news is, while Apple's alleged laserlike focus on music-related features for future iPods may have squelched the hopes of many who envisioned an extension into video and still photography, AtAT's own sources report that the single coolest aspect of next year's 4G iPod has indeed made the cut: the integrated ant farm. Apparently the project leader managed to persuade upper management that it counted as a "visualizer." You should see those suckers fight when they hear Mariah Carey. Brutal stuff.

 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 9/30/03 episode:

September 30, 2003: A bunch of suits rank Apple third in innovation-- behind Microsoft and Dell. Meanwhile, apparently we shouldn't be holding our breath for the iPod to become a more-than-music device, and IBM plans to ship 90-nanometer chips by the end of the year; might some of them be PowerBook-friendly G5s?...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4237: Poor, Spinning Dr. Dieter (9/30/03)   Revelation time! While AtAT's primary demographic is plenty old enough to understand all this already, we do occasionally get feedback from viewers as young as ten or eleven; if you've been around the block a few times in this crazy ol' world, what we're about to tell you won't come as any particular surprise, but circumstances warrant that we take this time to inform our younger and more fresh-faced viewers about some basic facts of life...

  • 4239: The G5: Let's Get Small (9/30/03)   The eternal debate rages on: will Apple ever be able to shoehorn a G5 into a PowerBook that doesn't require its own attached Frigidaire chest freezer, forklift, and really long extension cord? Time alone will tell, but one thing's for sure: it's not happening at .13 microns, buddy...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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