And in the "Irony Is For Suckers" department, faithful viewer Nateman informed us of an Associated Press article which reports that Microsoft is going to work on its own antivirus software.

Think about that for a minute.

Actually, to be entirely accurate, the company's going to work on someone else's antivirus software; Microsoft just bought an antivirus software company and plans to rework that firm's technology into its own product. Hey, guess which company they bought! Network Associates, the company behind McAfee VirusScan? Nope-- think bigger. Symantec, makers of Norton AntiVirus? Nuh-uh-- think bigger. Give up? It's GeCAD Software Srl. of Bucharest, providing the finest security software produced in all of Romania! So you know Microsoft is serious about this. Besides, once Microsoft releases its own branded virus protection software, regardless of how crappy it is, both of those other companies will tank, and then Microsoft can buy them, too... probably for a few dozen shares of stock and a case of Slim Jims.

So just how are we supposed to interpret this bizarre turn of events? Well, we suppose there's always the obvious conspiracy theory: Microsoft has been releasing virus-prone software on purpose for all these years in order to sell a gazillion copies of its upcoming antivirus product. (Microsoft reportedly assured Network Associates that it "would not bundle antivirus capability into the Windows operating system," which means customers are going to have to buy it separately. Ka-ching!) Then again, that requires you to assume that Microsoft is a lot more evil than it is incompetent, and personally, we like to keep the mix about 50/50.

So instead, we're thinking that it might play out like this: Microsoft Inoculate XP (or Microsoft BigSharpNeedle XP, or Microsoft PainfulSeriesOfShotsInTheHinder XP, or whatever the heck they wind up calling it) hits the shelves, most people who were lame enough to buy Windows in the first place shell out their $99 to install it, and before long, Windoids the world over wind up infected with the first virus ever to propagate via an actual antivirus product. Because let's face it: trusting Microsoft to come up with something that actually stops viruses instead of inviting them in for free beer and a Shiatsu massage is tantamount to hiring a certified pyromaniac to fireproof your valuable collection of antique matches and oily rags.