Number Five With A Bullet (10/29/02)
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Finally, a research firm with some good news for Apple for once! Gartner Dataquest just issued a press release describing the state of the worldwide server market, and despite a global economy that's begging to be put out of its misery by any semi-humane method within easy reach, total server sales in the third quarter actually grew over three percent from the same period a year ago. On top of that, here in the U.S. the server market actually racked up its third consecutive quarter of positive growth.

"That's all well and good, AtAT," you ask, "but what do server sales have to do with Apple?" Ah, Grasshopper, how deeply ingrained the reflex must be! Try to forget all those years when Mac servers were just regular Macs with some extra software preinstalled; remember, now Apple's got the Xserve making the scene, and it's a server that people might actually buy. Indeed, scratch the "might" part; amazingly enough, in the U.S. Apple was ranked fifth in sales of servers last quarter, which is high enough to get the company listed on an honest-to-goodness chart. Woo-hoo!!

Now, granted, Apple scored its fifth-place ranking by selling a mere 5,700 Xserves in Q3, which translates into a 1.2% market share; to put it into perspective, Sun, in fourth place, sold almost six times that many servers-- and first-place Dell sold over three times as many as that. But considering how long Sun has been in the server game, not to mention the fact that Apple's Q3 sales represented a whopping 273.8% increase over its results from a year ago, we still think there's plenty to smile about. C'mon, 273.8% year-over-year growth? Who wouldn't like those numbers?

By the way, while we're on the subject of servers, never forget: To Serve Man is a cookbook. We just felt it our duty to remind you, in case you were thinking about accompanying any nine-foot-tall, bulgy-headed, goatee-sportin' aliens to their home planet anytime soon.

 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 

The above scene was taken from the 10/29/02 episode:

October 29, 2002: Apple's stock scores the dreaded "F" from Charles Schwab-- is the grade justified? Meanwhile, Rob Enderle of Giga insists that Macs will be using x86 chips by the end of next year, and Gartner reveals that Apple's domestic server sales are up 273% from a year ago, landing the company in the number five slot just under Sun...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3804: But "F" Is For "Fabulous" (10/29/02)   Wuh-oh, it's report card time-- and Apple is probably hard at work learning to forge its parents' signatures, because its grade from Professor Schwab leaves a lot to be desired. As reported by BusinessWeek, Charles Schwab just flunked Apple's stock with a big red "F."...

  • 3805: Going Under Any Day Now (10/29/02)   Predictably enough, Charles Schwab's not the only organization bagging on Apple these days; apparently Giga Information Group Inc. is putting the boot in, too. Whereas Schwab is a "financial services firm" whose job is apparently to tell everyone to sell off their Apple stock before the company spontaneously bursts into flames, Giga is a "global technology advisory firm" whose mission seems to be to predict Apple's imminent demise year after year after year...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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