Going Under Any Day Now (10/29/02)

Predictably enough, Charles Schwab's not the only organization bagging on Apple these days; apparently Giga Information Group Inc. is putting the boot in, too. Whereas Schwab is a "financial services firm" whose job is apparently to tell everyone to sell off their Apple stock before the company spontaneously bursts into flames, Giga is a "global technology advisory firm" whose mission seems to be to predict Apple's imminent demise year after year after year. (See? If you look hard enough, there's gainful employment for everyone out there, no matter how lame! Truly, it gives one hope.)

In its new report on IT trends for 2003, Giga's ever-lovin' Rob Enderle dishes his latest gloombites on Apple and insists that the company is "being driven out of every segment but consumer." Why, you ask? Because companies are "driving out non-standard hardware" (well, okay, nothing new there) and, he claims, prefer Linux to UNIX on the desktop. Enderle also cites a "lack of management tools"-- gee, it's a pity there's no such thing as Apple Remote Desktop, Workgroup Manager, or a centrally-managed NetBoot technology-- and a "pull back of key vendors like Quark" (hmmm, someone should tell Quark that) as reasons why he expects Apple's market share to drop below two percent next year. (Meanwhile, if you'll allow us a petty grammar flame, apparently on Rob's home planet "obsolesce" is a transitive verb. Go figure.)

But his goofiest assertion of all is that Apple's "continued technical disadvantage" against Intel will force the company to switch from PowerPC chips to x86 processors before 2003 is finished. Suddenly we've veered from Clueless Heights across the town line into Crazyville. While such a switch is always frolicsome fodder for the rumor sites and we've little doubt that Apple is staying prepared just in case Motorola and IBM both fall through the earth's crust and get eaten by the Mole People, to think that Apple would choose to switch processor platforms and require all current software to be rewritten/recompiled to run on new iron (or limp along in emulation) in any situation short of a massive C.H.U.D. incident is just plain nuts.

Our theory? Either Enderle's drinking cheap aftershave when nobody's looking, or he owns stock in a company whose business plan involves collecting license fees on the use of the word "beleaguered." We're not going to bother speculating on which is more likely.

SceneLink (3805)
And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


The above scene was taken from the 10/29/02 episode:

October 29, 2002: Apple's stock scores the dreaded "F" from Charles Schwab-- is the grade justified? Meanwhile, Rob Enderle of Giga insists that Macs will be using x86 chips by the end of next year, and Gartner reveals that Apple's domestic server sales are up 273% from a year ago, landing the company in the number five slot just under Sun...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3804: But "F" Is For "Fabulous" (10/29/02)   Wuh-oh, it's report card time-- and Apple is probably hard at work learning to forge its parents' signatures, because its grade from Professor Schwab leaves a lot to be desired. As reported by BusinessWeek, Charles Schwab just flunked Apple's stock with a big red "F."...

  • 3806: Number Five With A Bullet (10/29/02)   Finally, a research firm with some good news for Apple for once! Gartner Dataquest just issued a press release describing the state of the worldwide server market, and despite a global economy that's begging to be put out of its misery by any semi-humane method within easy reach, total server sales in the third quarter actually grew over three percent from the same period a year ago...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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