TV-PGJanuary 11, 2002: The gloves are off, and Apple looks ready to tackle Microsoft head-on in its new marketing push. Meanwhile, Epson Sweden lets slip a little mention of the G5, and the Expo gets invaded by "porn clowns" looking for jobs...
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 
Finally Telling It Like It Is (1/11/02)
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Is it just us, or is Apple getting a little... bolder about taking on Microsoft in public these days? Way back in '97, Steve Jobs stood up in front of a Macworld Expo audience and declared the OS wars were over, announced that Microsoft and Apple were now bestest buddies, and then introduced Bill Gates's Big Giant Head live via satellite to tell the mostly-horrified crowd that Microsoft had just purchased $150 million of non-voting AAPL stock and assured us all that everything would be just fine. Ever since then, it's seemed to us that in public, Apple has been decidedly shy about saying anything that might be construed as a slant on Microsoft. Indeed, we've gotten five years' worth of Steve walking onstage and stating that Internet Explorer is his "browser of choice" and talking about Office like it's something that attaches directly to the pleasure centers of the brain. And for the most part, Apple avoided mentioning Windows at all, unless it was to point out how Macs can talk to Windows networks or run VirtualPC if they have to.

Things have been changing recently, though. While Steve refused to testify against Microsoft in the "Redmond Justice" trials a few years back, he did recently make a big public stink about Microsoft's proposal to settle a bunch of private antitrust suits by flooding the nation's schools with free copies of Windows and Office. (By the way, according to Reuters, that proposal has just been nixed by Judge Motz. Sorry, Redmond... nice try, though.) And now we're getting the sense that when he did, we may have witnessed a significant change in policy-- i.e., no more kid glove treatment for Microsoft. Faithful viewer Sledgehammer Smythe noticed a very interesting link that just got added to Apple's Hot News page: Six Myths About Macs.

Yup, it's targeted directly at Windows users, and in it, Apple attempts to debunk some of the most common misconceptions about Macs-- such as the myth that "everyone uses Windows" or that "the software I need isn't available for Macs." Of particular interest is the way that Apple doesn't mince words about how "beige Wintel boxes" are machines best left to accountants. Likewise, the company isn't afraid to mention that "our two most recent presidents, a Democrat and a Republican, both use Macs." And in addition to using Microsoft's own product against it ("according to the company that made it... Office v.X for Mac OS X is actually better than its Windows cousin"), Apple pulls no punches about comparing Mac OS X to Windows XP: "It can't be denied that Microsoft has made a good business out of copying the innovative Mac OS..." Oooo, that's a righteous burn!

Well, it's a start, anyway. What we'd love to see is Apple paying to stick ad banners linking to this page on some of the more Windows-centric sites on the 'net, so that somebody other than Mac users like us gets to see it. Until that happens, though, keep that URL handy just in case you know someone who wants a new iMac but still has reservations about buying into a "nonstandard" platform. And here's hoping that this really does mark the beginning of an era in which Apple goes out of its way to tell Windows users why it may be time to switch. Super Bowl commercial, anyone?

 
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Raise Hopes At Own Risk (1/11/02)
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Faithful viewer Jack (presumably some other non-AtAT-affiliated Jack, or else we're in serious trouble) wrote in wanting to know "where all the G5 rumors got to." Well, Jack, while we'd suggest that anyone who honestly expected Apple to unveil Power Mac G5s running at 2.4 GHz last Monday should maybe look into getting their skepticism tanks refilled, semi-credible G5 rumors are still alive and well. Personally, based largely on the fact that Motorola's constant job cuts implies that the entire company now consists of about twelve employees (at least four of whom were formerly janitorial staff and not well-versed in the finer points of semiconductor design), we're not really expecting G5s until maybe this summer at the earliest. Assuming Motorola can keep its book of pink slips sheathed for a while, that is.

But that's just us being our usual skeptical selves, and we'd be remiss to mention that lots of people are expecting Power Mac G5 systems much, much sooner than that. In fact, plenty of Mac fans are breathlessly awaiting what they consider to be a dead certain G5 unveiling next month at Seybold on the 19th, or maybe at the Macworld Expo in Tokyo on March 21st at the latest. Those who choose to expect G5s sooner rather than later have all manner of rumorlicious tidbits at their disposal to fan the flames of their optimism-- there was, for example, the way that the G5 was mentioned multiple times in the web pages of a shareware scanner application called VueScan last month.

However, if you need evidence a little more "established" than a mention by a shareware author to plunge you headlong into giddy hopes of imminent G5itude, you're in luck; faithful viewer The Mod Imposter found something a little stronger. It seems that the G5 just made an appearance on one of the web pages at the Epson Sweden site. Somebody took a screenshot just in case the page disappears; you might have to squint a little to see it, but if you focus, you'll be able to pick out the phrase "Apple G3/G4/G5/Cube" in what is apparently a compatibility statement for its new line of laser printers. Sure, it's in Swedish, but "G5" spells "speed" in any language, baby.

So there's the latest G5 sighting, and admittedly it's a little thin, but hey, Epson's a big-name manufacturer, so surely a mention of the G5 over there ought to count for something. While we've chosen to follow the path of least disappointment, please don't let us put a damper on your plans for chirpy optimism and ebullience; we just decided that it might be nice to be pleasantly surprised for a change.

 
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The Jeers Of A Klown (1/11/02)
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Finally, what better way to draw the curtain down on a hectic Expo week and kick off the weekend than with baffling tales of obscenity-muttering, corset-wearing Killer iKlowns from Outer Moscone? Faithful viewer j.e. gibson kindly forwarded us a Salon article that details what happens when dotcom casualties have too much time-- and makeup-- on their hands: basically, they band together, dress up like clowns, and try to get into Macworld Expo armed with helium balloons and megaphones, with the intention of harassing showgoers in hopes of being given jobs. (Maybe it's just us, but we think we might detect a teensy little flaw in this plan.)

Sadly, the five iKlowns were initially refused admittance by security on the grounds that they were "branding without a booth." See, those balloons had an iKlown logo on them, so it doesn't matter that "Evil Klown Industries LLC" isn't a real company: "no booth, no circus." (Hmmm, sounds like we're going to have to sneak the AtAT t-shirts onto the show floor in July.) We presume that this policy originates from the Expo's organizers, IDG, and not from Apple-- although we imagine it's possible that, due to some childhood trauma involving a birthday party clown and an agitated rent-a-pony, Steve Jobs has a lingering phobia and tried to keep the iKlowns at bay.

If so, he wasn't entirely successful, as the self-described "porn clowns" eventually got in (sans balloons) and proceeded in their mission to freak out the squares. There were no major disturbances, as far as we can tell (at least, nothing that made the national news), but the iKlowns did get to inflict emotional scars on the multitudinous throngs by passing out promotional buttons while asking showgoers, "Are you afraid of clowns?" and "Do you have 1,000 clowns in your iPod?" No harm done (except someseriously freaky nightmares, we're guessing), and everyone got to live happily ever after. The end.

 
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