Geez, You're NEVER Happy (12/10/04)

Look, we know that, drama-wise, we've been a little iPod- and iTunes-heavy for the past few weeks, but that's the risk of adopting a vaguely reality-based plot stream: generally speaking, we go where Apple takes us, and for better or for worse, Apple's paddling in some very musicky waters these days, while the surface of Lake Mac remains still and unbroken. Just to give you a sense of perspective, here, of Apple's last twenty press releases, fully half of them (put away the fingers, Jethro; there are ten) had something to do with music, while only three dealt directly with desktop or portable Macintosh models. What can we say? We go where the drama is. We can't apologize for that-- at least, not without snorting derisively and rolling our eyes, and why be rude?

But you're right; we need more Macs in the mix to restore some semblance of balance, lest those Mac fans who couldn't care less about Apple's little musical meanderings finally ditch this show and go switching the channel to something classier, like My Big Fat Obnoxious Boss. Luckily, faithful viewer Jef Van der Voort points out that with Macworld Expo Speculation Season now in full swing, there's a juicy Page 2 item over at MacRumors describing several new products slated for a Stevenote intro next month. If you happen to be sick to death of the recent music overload, you should definitely pop right over and soak your eyes for a bit, because there's a whole list of rumored Expo releases-- with nary a music-related product in sight. (We know; freaky!)

Sure, the "Page 2" category is by definition a dumping ground for "uncertain rumors" and all of the Expo release info came via "an anonymous submission," but don't let that stop you from getting excited; after all, there's lots of stuff for Macophiles to obsess about without those pesky iPods hogging all the glory. For one thing, MacRumors's anonymous source claims that eMacs will finally get a long-deserved speed bump to 1.6 GHz-- and a G5, baby! Plus they'll inherit the iMac's 533 MHz bus, gain a 64 MB ATI RADEON 9600 graphics subsystem, and start at just $899 for a combo drive model. Gol-ly.

Not really in the market for a sub-$900 complete G5-based Mac system? No worries; instead you'll be able to lower your sperm count (or the sperm count of someone you love) with a new line of PowerBooks. Well, not "new," exactly, since we're just talking about another speed bump, but it's still a nice revision: reportedly the 12-inch model will get a boost to 1.5 GHz, built-in Bluetooth and AirPort Extreme standard, 33 percent more storage thanks to the new 80 GB hard drive, and a 64 MB Mobility RADEON 9700. The 15-incher, meanwhile, will get bumped from 1.5 GHz up to 1.67 GHz and gain built-in wireless, a 128 MB Mobility RADEON 9800, and a backlit keyboard and 80 GB drive as standard equipment. The 17-incher? Same specs as the 15-inch model except for screen size. And right on top of all that upgradey goodness, Apple will allegedly scoop a nifty $200 price drop across the board.

There's even more, on Keynote 2 and a major new version of QuickTime-- but since those aren't new Macs, we'll leave 'em for some other time. The point is, there is some Expo speculation out there that doesn't obsess about flash-based iPods or the iTunes Music Store finally opening in Burkina Faso. Feeling better?

What's that? You say that the total lack of music products and services in this round of Expo rumors now has you concerned that Apple is about to discontinue the iPod and iTMS? Oh, for crying out loud... you know what? You're on your own on this one, buddy.

SceneLink (5094)
And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


The above scene was taken from the 12/10/04 episode:

December 10, 2004: Heads up, eBay junkies; the iTunes Music Store now accepts PayPal. Meanwhile, unconfirmed rumors of speed-bumped eMacs and PowerBooks make the rounds, and Microsoft readies its next development kit for Xbox 2 gamesmiths-- and apparently it's going to be a Power Mac G5 again...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 5093: "How Ya Wanna Pay, Pal?" (12/10/04)   Oh happy day! Faithful viewer Richard Tjoa just tipped us off to Apple's latest press release announcing a new addition to the methods of payment accepted at the iTunes Music Store: now tune junkies can feed their legal habit with a steady stream of funds from their PayPal accounts...

  • 5095: The One-Week Respite (12/10/04)   Sorry, people, but we're not doing Wildly Off-Topic Microsoft-Bashing Day this week. Don't get us wrong, it's not for lack of material; if we felt like it, we could, for example, riff on faithful viewer Lee Dronick's suggestion, which is Information Week's article on how Penn State University just urged all 80,000 of its students to stop using Internet Explorer immediately and switch to a browser at least slightly less likely to compromise the security of their systems and/or transmit the plague...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(1188 votes)

As an Amazon Associate, AtAT earns from qualifying purchases

DISCLAIMER: AtAT was not a news site any more than Inside Edition was a "real" news show. We made Dawson's Creek look like 60 Minutes. We engaged in rampant guesswork, wild speculation, and pure fabrication for the entertainment of our viewers. Sure, everything here was "inspired by actual events," but so was Amityville II: The Possession. So lighten up.

Site best viewed with a sense of humor. AtAT is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Keep hands inside car at all times. The drinking of beverages while watching AtAT is strongly discouraged; AtAT is not responsible for damage, discomfort, or staining caused by spit-takes or "nosers."

Everything you see here that isn't attributed to other parties is copyright ©,1997-2023 J. Miller and may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without his explicit consent (or possibly the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but we doubt it).