Well, apparently the iTunes Affiliate Program has been deemed a rousing success-- and maybe the .Mac referral discount scheme not so much-- because now Apple is enlisting web site owners to help them rack up .Mac subscribers, too. The newly-launched .Mac Affiliate Program works a lot like its iTunes sibling: once accepted into the program, webmasters can add .Mac links to their content which will credit them with a bounty for every new .Mac subscriber they can bring in. The stakes are higher, though; whereas the purchase of a song at the iTMS earn an affiliate a shiny nickel, every new .Mac subscription yields a whopping fifteen clams. Ka-ching!

Needless to say, being the money-grubbing sellouts we are, we immediately applied for the program-- and were surprised to receive word of our acceptance about five minutes later. What, no background check and five-day waiting period? Not that we're complaining, mind you, because now we can start hassling you poor rubes to "Learn more about all the things you can do with .Mac" in hopes that you'll fork over your $99.95 per year and we can wait three months to get paid and then go grab a Garden Fresh Big Papa (hold the cheese) on your dime. We know that many of you are .Mac subscribers already, but we figure maybe you'll pay for a second full subscription under an assumed name. You know, just out of the goodness of your hearts.

So now, thanks to this new affiliate program and the apparent continuation of that older referral spiel, our slavishly devoted fans can choose exactly how they want to reward us, .Mac-wise: if you sign up via this link, we'll get fifteen smackeroos in semi-convenient check form come March. But if you use this link instead, we'll get a twenty-dollar discount when our own account is due for renewal in October. Credit or cash; oh, the many ways in which you can shower us with riches! Unparalleled choice in how you can spend your money so as to benefit us indirectly-- that's our commitment to you, the viewer. (What, you thought it would be something about quality of content? Please.)

Meanwhile, the eternal mystery continues (as, um, eternal mysteries generally do): why does Apple think we're good enough to pimp iTMS songs and .Mac subscriptions, but not Apple Store merchandise? Regular viewers will recall that our application to the Apple Store Associates Program was unceremoniously denied a few months back, which deprives you all of the privilege of fattening our wallets by purchasing build-to-order Macs and laser-engraved iPods. Well, they did invite us to "reapply at a later date," so maybe we'll give that a shot-- it's the least we can do for you. Say, maybe this time we should apply using our nickname: "MacCentral."

What? Our moms have called us that since we were kids. Honest!