Wait, Thanksgiving is this Thursday? Oh, for cryin' out Pete's sake; every year we say we're going to start Christmas shopping early, and every freakin' year we buy exactly one present for someone on our list in September and then suddenly we're looking down the barrel of Turkey Day and time's running out faster than calamine lotion at a meeting of the Poison Sumac Textural Appreciation Society. We've barely started even thinking about what to get for people, let alone gone out and gotten it. Perhaps this'll be the year that we finally chuck all that "personal gift full of thought and caring" nonsense and just get everyone Chia Homers.

If only we were loaded; iPods for everyone! We could wipe out our whole shopping list in a single trip to our local Apple retail store and someone would probably even wheel all the stuff to the AtATmobile for us. And if we had the financial wherewithal to pull off such a stunt, apparently the day on which we should do it is rapidly approaching; faithful viewer Allen Sibley reminded us that we received some perplexingly coy email from Apple (which has since mostly turned into its own happy page at Apple.com) insisting that "those stockings won't fill themselves" and hinting strongly that this Friday-- the day after Thanksgiving, also known as Tryptophan and Carbohydrate Coma Day-- will be the "perfect day" on which to load up on shiny white and brushed aluminum goodies destined for those vacant spots under the tree.

Why this Friday? Well, that's the thing; Apple never actually says, which is, to be perfectly honest, a little annoying. There's just a little wink in the statement "you'll see why it's the perfect day to find the perfect gift at a perfect price." In other words, if you bother to show up, you won't be sorry-- or so Apple claims. For all we know, they'll be giving away handfuls of trail mix with every purchase, which would be nice and all, but probably not worth dragging your suddenly-much-heavier kiester down to the mall on one of the craziest shopping days of the year. Here's hoping that whatever Apple's planning, it's got a little more pizzazz than healthy snacks at checkout. (If nothing else, the store promises price matching on Apple products "up to 10 percent off the current Apple Store regular price," so that's something, anyway.)

If history is any indication, you might do well to remember that last year on the day after Thanksgiving, Apple knocked 10 percent off the prices of any and all music-related products at its retail stores. Whether the same deal will repeat remains to be seen, but at least this time around Apple has alerted the post-Thanksgiving sloths like us that if we're even marginally semiconscious on Friday, even if we can't physically drag our near-carcasses to an Apple retail store, the online Apple Store will apparently be offering some kind of deal as well. Personally, we're not planning on being alert enough to operate a web browser until Sunday at the earliest, but it's the thought that counts.

Indeed, we should take this opportunity to remind you all that just because we don't eat turkey doesn't mean we'll be any less comatose on Friday; even without the benefit of an UnTurkey, it's actually pretty easy to lapse into an impenetrable digestive stupor following the ingestion of ridiculous quantities of mashed potatoes, stuffing, and pie alone. So no, barring a medical miracle, we won't be holiday shopping at Apple on Friday, nor will we producing new episodes of AtAT until Monday when we expect to be conscious again. So assuming that you're one of those freaks who doesn't eat him- or herself into oblivion on Thanksgiving and is actually both ambulatory and lucid the next day, since you won't have the possibility of a sweet AtAT fix keeping you at home, feel free to check out Apple's "Perfect Day" up close and personal-- and let us know how it all works out.

Now if you'll excuse us, we have to prepare the Hibernation Chamber. Where the heck did we put all that insulin?...