So we've got some good news and some sort of alarming news; which do you want first? Okay, well, seeing as this whole soap opera thing we're doing here is essentially time-delayed one-way communication and we can't possibly hear your response, we're going to assume you just said "good news," which works out just splendidly, because if we went the other way and did the sort-of-alarming stuff first, it wouldn't make much sense. Oh, the joys of assuming audience response; you are but puppets to us. Mere PUPPETS! MWAAAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Sorry, where were we? Oh, right-- the good news. Socks!

That's right, it's November, and just like Steve said, iPod Socks have finally surfaced for preorder at the Apple Store. A six-pack will run you $29, as announced (that's less than five bucks per sock!), and you get one each in grey, orange, pink, blue, green, and purple. Preorder now and Apple will get your socks in the mail by early December, meaning you'll have them in plenty of time to make them someone's stocking-stuffer-- or, indeed, to use as stockings to stuff. We wouldn't recommend the latter use, though, because festive though they are, they're also pretty small, and you'd really be short-changing yourself in the loot department. No one's wedging a two-pound BEEF LOG® Lite in one of these dainty lil' 'Pod-cozies.

The slightly alarming news is that we've received mail from a disquieting number of viewers who saw the socks appear at the Apple Store today and expressed their utter shock at discovering that iPod Socks are a real thingy and not just a whimsical joke that Steve told to loosen up the crowd at that last music event speech he gave. Funny how we never thought that for a second, because in hindsight, yeah, it could have been a joke, couldn't it? But it wasn't, and the fact that so many people thought it was doesn't exactly augur well for sales of iPod Socks this holiday season. If more of the messages had a tone of "pleasantly surprised" instead of "what sort of mental defective is going to spend $29 on five socks for his iPod?" then we might not feel quite so edgy, but they didn't, so we do.

Personally, we think the socks are nifty; you can pick a new color at whim, they're dead easy to wash, and they're a simple way to protect your iPod without encasing it in a contraption that robs it of its simple lines. Then again, we're so deeply mired within the Reality Distortion Field, we'll buy pretty much anything with an Apple logo on it, so maybe we're not the best ones to judge.

Then again, faithful viewer Miche Doherty notes that, at broadcast time, iPod Socks hadn't yet shown up at the Apple Store UK-- which implies that Apple, at least, is forecasting huge iPod Sock demand and, just as with the iPod mini, the rest of the world is going to have to wait a few months while Apple works furiously to fill backorders here in the States. See, miniPods were constrained by a short supply of teensy third party hard drives, but iPod Sock production is limited entirely by craftsmanship; our sources report that each and every Sock is hand-knitted to perfection by a tiny magical weaving gnome that Apple captured in the foothills of the Andes Mountains, who unfortunately can't crank out more than about 60 a day. (Yes, he's magic, but he also goofs off a lot. It's a real problem.) So get those preorders in early, people; the last thing you want is to wait six months for socks.