And in the "Hey, honey, I just mortgaged our house and spent our life savings and the kids' college funds to open a Haggis on a Stick™ franchise down at the mall food court" department, did you ever think you'd see a business move as gutsy or as ill-conceived as what Roxio just pulled? Roxio, as you're probably aware, is the company that sells a bunch of popular Mac and Windows disc-mastering and -burning products-- like the practically indispensable Toast, which can make your drive jump through hoops you didn't even know existed. Well, a couple of years ago, the company decided to diversify-- by purchasing the tattered, smoldering remains of what once had been Napster (before the courts ran it backwards through a wood chipper after setting it on fire).

So now Roxio is desperately trying to turn a profit by renting and selling music through a legit pay-to-listen service wearing a Napster t-shirt, a cat mask, and a name tag that says "Hello, My Name Is RAMPANT CORPORATE MARKETING MACHINE HOPING TO CASH IN ON YOUTH CULTURE'S LOVE OF THE OUTLAW IMAGE." The thing is, the plan hasn't been going all that well; Napster has yet to turn a profit (though it is narrowing its losses) and we get the distinct impression that Roxio is bleeding capital in arcing, arterial spurts as it tries to bring the service to critical mass. Remember the "Hey, we're losing money, so let's give away free hardware" plan? And Napster may be signing up a ton of paranoid universities who hope to keep their students from turning their campus networks into dedicated KaZaA transport mechanisms, but the company itself admits that it cuts the schools such a huge price break that any profit from those deals is "immaterial."

Now, in such a situation, wouldn't you expect Roxio to be thinking, "gee, this Napster thing isn't working out quite how we'd planned-- thank heaven we have our main business of selling media creation software to fall back on"? Well, as it turns out, Roxio is planning to jettison half of its decidedly schizo business; we're just wondering whether the right half got the heave-ho, because faithful viewer dev dished up a CNET article which reports that the company "will sell its consumer software division for $80 million and focus wholly on its Napster digital music business." Indeed, once the sale is complete, Roxio will even be renamed Napster. Which has us wondering: is it just us, or if you had to put all your eggs in one basket, would that be the basket you'd choose?

Still, you have to respect a company that follows a dream, even if said dream leads it plunging straight into a big, bubbly vat of Tabasco sauce 'n' battery acid. Once it sells its non-Napster assets to Sonic Solutions (oh, for cryin' out Pete's sake, Toast is moving again? From Astarte to Adaptec to Roxio to Sonic-- that poor app's been smacked around like a hockey puck), Napster will reportedly have about $130 million in cash to burn through as it tries to eke out a profit alongside the iTunes Music Store. Right now it's betting that lots more people won't mind renting their music, as long as they can listen to it on a portable player; Microsoft's taking care of the tech, and we assume that Napster's $130 mil will be spent on the media blitz to end all media blitzes. (Blitzen?)

Pssst-- hey, Napster! Why not hire ex-Mötley Crüe drummer and convicted spouse-abuser Tommy Lee as a spokesperson and plaster his naked body all over Times Square? It worked great for BuyMusic.com, didn't it?