As the Apple Turns: Scene 4705: Think Of The List For France (5/19/04)

Think Of The List For France (5/19/04)

And the Great Apple Retail Search continues! Remember a couple of weeks ago when Think Secret reported that Apple retail guru Ron "Cash or Charge?" Johnson was scouting 100 potential locations for new stores? Well, we've been wondering; do you suppose that figure is just for U.S. spots, or does that include stores on foreign soil? We're just curious, since Apple is clearly looking to go global with this whole "Come Look at Our Nifty Glass Staircase" thing; there's already one Japanese store open in Tokyo and a second one in the works in Osaka, and the first UK store is slated to open in London before the year is up. With nearly 90 locations already open here in the States, we originally suspected that the scouting list was worldwide, but recent developments imply otherwise.

See, Apple's retail wonks are apparently taking this whole "overseas expansion" thing pretty seriously; AppleInsider reports that Apple is "currently scouting over two dozen retail locations" in Japan alone, some of which have been "secured" as future stores. Top-priority "A list" stores in the Land of the Rising Sun are said to include two more Tokyo locations, a second Osaka store, and "a fourth location set in Harajuku/Omotesando." (Didn't he used to pitch for the Nippon Ham Fighters?) Then there are seven second-string "B list" spots (which we assume are slightly lower-priority), six "C list" locations ("We'll get to 'em when we get to 'em"), and yes, even three "D list" spaces ("Maybe if there's nothing good on TV"). Lest you think that Apple got a little obsessive with the categorization, there are reportedly three spots on the list that haven't been assigned a letter grade, presumably because they're rugged individualists who defy all attempts at classification, man.

Now, frankly, we don't know anything about Japan other than it produces some seriously twisted animation, so none of the reported locations means a darn thing to us. "Harajuku"? "Fukuoka"? Really, we might as well be talking about Saturn. Or Utah. But it's still reassuring to hear that Apple is doing its homework and at least tentatively plans to choke Japan with up to twenty-seven stores-- neatly ranked on an A to D scale, no less-- at some point in the future. So let's play the extrapolation game for a minute, here: if Apple's going hog-wild shopping for two dozen new retail stores in Japan, isn't it likely that a similar sort of process is underway in the UK as well? The first London store will be up and running by the end of the year; what then?

Well, we asked around a bit, and our own sources indicate that, if anything, Apple's UK expansion plans are even more elaborate that its Japan ones. "Sources close to the company" (quit laughing, you) claim that Apple's list of potential UK stores now includes no fewer than 1.3 million locations, all ranked in priority/desirability from A ("gotta have it now now NOW") to ZZZ ("eeeyeeewwwwww") and color-coded in four dimensions with scratch-'n'-sniff panels and laser lights and a fog machine and the whole thing is made out of solid gold and leprechaun hide and it can beat up your dad any day of the week! Now that's an expansion plan, baby!

The only real setback is trying to figure out how to suspend the glass staircase at the Apple Store Stonehenge...

SceneLink (4705)

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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

The above scene was taken from the 5/19/04 episode:

May 19, 2004: Apple forms a special iPod division-- but at least there's still a reconfigured Mac division, too. Meanwhile, the company has a list of some two dozen prospective retail store sites in Japan, and a couple of Flash wizards in Germany recreate the Mac SE in Web form...

Other scenes from that episode:

4704: Reassuring To Us Psychos (5/19/04) If you skulk around these parts in any semi-regular sort of capacity, you're already all too familiar with our admittedly paranoid and irrational concern that, what with the runaway success of the iPod and all, Apple might be kindasorta leaving the Mac behind...
4706: A Daytime Fix Of Nostalgia (5/19/04) Memory Lane time! Say, do you remember when a color Mac was one that had been spraypainted a hue other than beige? Do you recall that magical era when running more than one application at once seemed like some form of dark sorcery that was surely conjured forth from the very depths of hades itself?...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...


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