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Okay, we're going to keep this short, because frankly, we're feeling a little too queasy to continue for much longer. What was the one thing at the top of your Christmas list that you almost certainly didn't get? A brand spankin' new dual-processor Power Mac G5, right? Two PowerPCs and nine fans humming away beneath a sexy layer of perforated aluminum: one of the fastest personal computers money can buy, and it's a Mac, to boot. Of course, no one actually bought it for you because it costs some serious moolah, but you added it to your Wish List anyway, because dreams are free.
But what if someone actually had gotten you a dual-processor Power Mac for Christmas? You'd be pretty stoked, right? Well, as incomprehensible as it sounds, there really are people who were lucky enough to receive one last month, but not all of them were grateful. Faithful viewer Devin Chalmers forwarded us the most blasphemous thing we've encountered in our short lives: a fella named Andy is blessed with the Best Parents Ever, who did indeed give him a G5 for Christmas, but-- and we realize this is the most insane thing you'll ever hear-- he "wanted a Dell." (Brain... hurts...) Says Andy, "I thought about selling it, but my parents would be upset with me. After all, this was a very expensive gift and it meant a lot to them to give to me." Awwww... isn't that sweet?
So instead of upsetting his parents by selling it, he just ripped out its guts and hacked a chunk out of the back of its aluminum case.
(Pause for screams)
Then Andy wedged in an Athlon motherboard, installed neon lamps ("It emits a green glow from the front and back," he says-- oh, joy!), and now he's got a generic Wintel in a G5 enclosure. That glows green. Yes, Virginia, there is a special place in hell for people who commit such atrocities, and when Andy passes on, it'll be occupied by him, Attila the Hun, and whoever greenlit the NBC remake of Coupling. For now, though, he says, "I have to say that I'm happy-- I can keep on using XP." Oh, the humanity. Or lack thereof.
Incidentally, he might be sent to that particular circle of hell by his own parents if they aren't as clueless as he thinks they are: "It's a good thing my parents don't know anything about computers, because I'm sure they would be really angry if they knew what I did." Gee, ya think?
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