Jeez, Mac OS X security advisories? People getting fired for posting photos of Macs? The human race getting sold as food to giant space lobsters? Talk about a downer of an episode so far. Tell you what: we're going to scrap the original final scene describing irrefutable medical studies linking long-term Mac use to massive chromosomal damage and the Mac-using body's inevitable dissolution into a homogenous soupy goo (albeit a homogenous soupy goo with class), and instead we'll spend the rest of today's air time on unconfirmed pie-in-the-sky speculation and rumors surrounding the continuing evolution of the PowerPC. Okay? And afterwards, if you're still feeling a little blue, we can go for ice cream. Our treat.

So here's the skinny: MacRumors has one o' them thar "Page 2 reports" of admittedly "uncertain authenticity" which sketches out what's supposedly going to happen with IBM's PowerPC development over the course of the next year or so-- and if it's true, it's some seriously delirium-inducing stuff. You know how the current G5 is technically a PowerPC 970 and derived from IBM's heavy-hitter POWER4 server chip? Well, allegedly IBM has already given Apple a few 980s, which are based on the architecture of the POWER5 and which, in their current developmental state, are already 90 nanometer chips running at 3 GHz. These are slated for inclusion in the "next-generation" Power Mac, which may well be called the G6 when it surfaces "only 12-16 months" after the G5 first appeared.

That's not to say that the G5 won't get a revision in the meantime, of course; the report claims that the 970's update is "well under way," the move to a 90-nanometer process will start "within six weeks," and by February the low-end Power Mac G5 might run at 2.2 GHz, with the line topping out at up to 2.8 GHz. Oh, and what about G5-based PowerBooks? Look for them between "April 2004 and September 2004," since the "only obstacle" is figuring out how to keep those puppies from melting through the floor and slipping through the earth's crust. No problem.

So, see? Happy stuff! There are all sorts of reasons to smile, what with faster G5s mere months away, G6s due mere months after that, and G5 PowerBooks due to touch down in as little as half a year's time. Why dwell on the negativity of Mac OS X security holes and the growing problem of jobless bloggers when there's so much good stuff coming? Allegedly? According to an unconfirmed and anonymous source?

By the way, we were totally lying about the ice cream.