What Are YOU Looking At? (10/16/03)

Whew... okay, now that the real, announced music stuff is out of the way (and we can all rest assured that the iTMS-iPod tag-team will crush any competitors underfoot while laughing at all those foolish enough to challenge its irresistible might), what say we cleanse our palates with a refreshing scoop of non-music-related unsubstantiated rumor and speculation? After all, too much exposure to hard fact leads to iron-poor blood and, occasionally, rabies. It's really best not to risk it.

It's a good thing, then, that AppleInsider is buzzing with talk of the next iMac. The "New iMac" really isn't very new anymore, what with having phased into existence way back in January of last year, and apparently Apple doesn't want a repeat of the slow-as-molasses sales it witnessed back when Mac fans were stuck with the CRT Space Egg for three and a half years. According to AI, Apple is hard at work slapping together yet another "entirely new form factor" for its flagship consumer desktop. If the rumors are true, Jon Ive and his team of workshop elves are "entering the latter development stages" of the overhaul, which is expected to be as much of a total change from the current LCD model as the LCD one was from the original CRT design.

We can only logically conclude, then, that in the interest of keeping the iMac's design fresh, Apple won't use a CRT or an LCD for its display. Now there's a differentiating factor you can sink your teeth into!

We instructed our own sources to do a little digging, and they've uncovered several odd clues that might lend some insight into what Apple plans to use for the iMac's display since, in the alleged words of Mr. Ive, both CRTs and LCDs have been "done to death." One report claims that Apple took delivery of 20,000 Etch-A-Sketch units last week. We've also got sworn testimony that, for the past two months, Apple's top secret display laboratory has been emitting the constant and unmistakable aroma of sardines and grape Big League Chew.

Still another report insists that Jobs and Ive have come to the conclusion that integrated displays are "passé," and therefore the next iMac just won't have one at all. However, it will also lack a video-out port, because "consumers find ports to be confusing" and "they look really ugly anyway." (We are as yet unsure whether the latter comment refers to the ports or the consumers, but we'll keep you posted.) With no possibility of either an integrated or an external display, the next iMac is said to convey information to its users entirely by sound. "It's very Zen," quoth Steve.

Unfortunately, in the interest of simplicity, there's no speaker, either. Or sound ports. Which may prove to be slightly more Zen than the market will bear.

Anyway, whatever this thing turns out to look like, word has it that Apple is shooting for a release "early next spring," or possibly even as soon as January. Which means, if you're planning on an iMac purchase sometime in that time frame, you've only got a couple of months or so to invest in a good, sturdy tarp just in case that gum-and-fish thing turns out to be true.

SceneLink (4274)
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


The above scene was taken from the 10/16/03 episode:

October 16, 2003: Apple's dog-and-pony show leaves so much music-related awesomeness in its wake, five are dead and thirteen are injured. Meanwhile, rumors begin to take shape about Apple's next massive overhaul of the iMac's industrial design, and early benchmarks of the G5-powered "Big Mac" supercomputer hint that it might just be the second-fastest in the world...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4273: Failing To Shake A Stick (10/16/03)   Wooooo, what an event, huh? Jobs at the top of his form, a slew of incredible new music-related products and services, a sequined Phil Schiller on a pony... was that just amazing, or what? No, seriously, was it?...

  • 4275: Climbing Up The Charts (10/16/03)   You know, we were going to cackle a bit about the latest batch of Windows security flaws to spew forth from Redmond (seven of 'em-- and five, count 'em, five are "critical," i.e. the worst Microsoft can describe), but then we were forwarded more news on Virginia Tech's "Big Mac" supercomputer, and we figured, hey, let's do that, instead...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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Like K-pop, but only know the popular stuff? Expand your horizons! Prim M recommends underrated K-pop tunes based on YOUR taste!

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