First Apples For Teachers (8/27/03)

Still waiting for that dual 2.0 GHz Power Mac G5 you ordered about fifteen milliseconds after they appeared at the Apple Store? Get in line, pal. Oh, wait-- you placed your order, so you already are in line. Never mind. Well, don't fret, because Apple promised to start shipping the metal beasties before the end of this month, and we're sure the company is playing completely fair and fulfilling orders on a first-come, first-serve basis. You'll be cranking nine fans across four cooling zones before you know it.

Just as soon as all the schools get theirs, that is.

That's right; Think Secret reports that, when it comes to prioritizing dual G5 shipments, education buyers get frontsies! "The initial supply of dual processor G5s will be allocated primarily to education orders so we can meet back to school deadlines," explained Apple to its increasingly-antsy resellers. Which hardly seems fair, because if anyone should be intimately aware of the international "No Frontsies" rule, it should be our nation's schools. Back-to-school, shmack-to-school-- what kind of example are we setting for our children by allowing this sort of behavior?

Still, we suppose we understand; not shipping education customers their G5s before the beginning of the school year wouldn't be the best way to encourage future purchases-- and when it comes to clinging to education market share, Apple needs all the help it can get. The long and the short of it is, the schools get their G5s tout de suite so Apple can "favorably influence additional sales," while the rest of you poor G5-waitin' shmoes get to twiddle your thumbs a little while longer 'cause ya gots no juice.

So, you'll be waiting just a smidge longer than you otherwise would have for your new aluminum powerhouse, but look on the bright side: at least this means that some schools are actually still buying Macs-- and not just cheapo eMacs, either, but big, hulkin' Power Macs to tower over the students and fill them with awe, reverence, and not just a little bit of fear. (We assume that most of these education-purchase Power Macs are destined for universities, because we're reasonably certain that blasting a grade-school kid through a couple of walls and into a tree would run afoul of child endangerment laws. Or at least local zoning regulations.) And here's hoping that a little taste of G5 power will hook some of these poor, unsuspecting students for life. Hey, it's almost like a sales strategy or something!

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The above scene was taken from the 8/27/03 episode:

August 27, 2003: If you're waiting for a dual-processor G5 system, you may be waiting a little while longer-- your Mac just shipped to some school somewhere. Meanwhile, early user benchmarks of the low-end G5 are a little lackluster, and the combination of Virtual PC refusing to run on G5 systems and RealPC getting canceled because it's "vaporware" makes for a conspiracy theory that practically writes itself...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4169: "Whose Bench?" "Mark's." (8/27/03)   By now everyone's sick to death of all that "Apple cheated on the G5 benchmarks" / "No they didn't" hoo-haa. Well, everyone but The Register, apparently; faithful viewer David Poves notes that they appear to be reporting on the original Apple-published benchmarks now, despite the fact that those numbers have been around since June...

  • 4170: And Nixon's In On It, Too (8/27/03)   Conspiracy alert! Conspiracy alert! We have a Code 3 in progress! You may recall our previous conspiracy theory regarding the state of x86 emulation on the Mac: Microsoft buys the only usable such product (Virtual PC) from Connectix, and then ties up the release of the only viable competing product (RealPC) in legal red tape by issuing a cease and desist letter, thusly gaining 100% control-- temporarily-- over Mac users who need to run Windows applications...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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