But You Knew It All Along (7/25/03)

Okay, it's not like we didn't suspect it pretty much all our adult lives, but it's a whole 'nother can of creamed corn when you hear your suspicions confirmed by the authorities themselves. The Mac Observer tweezes out an interesting nugget of info buried in a New York Times article about Microsoft's annual meeting for financial analysts: "Mr. Gates acknowledged today that the company's error reporting service indicated that 5 percent of all Windows-based computers now crash more than twice each day." More than twice a day. And suddenly this isn't just the paranoid delusion of a Mac fanatic; it's a cold, hard fact for the Windows users of the world.

So just how many Wintels are messing their shorts three or more times a day, you ask? Well, we're not entirely sure; Microsoft claims to have 600 million customers, though not all of them necessarily use Windows. Let's make a conservative estimate and assume that 90% of Microsoft's customers use Windows of some flavor. That would mean there are 540 million suckers using Windows, 27 million of whom, by the Billster's own admission, have computers that crash on average at least every eight hours. Meanwhile, Apple claims there are 25 million Mac users worldwide. Yes, there are apparently more Windows users rebooting crashed Wintels at least three times a day than there are Mac users total-- which, in one sense, is pretty sad for Apple, but in a larger sense is just plain pathetic for Microsoft.

Now, usually down here at the AtAT compound we feel pretty good about Apple's marketing folks, and frequently rush to their defense when others castigate them for being ineffectual. But in light of this new data originating from Microsoft itself, we can't help but rethink our estimation just a smidge; after all, Microsoft having 27 million customers that crash thrice daily is pretty darn bad, but if Apple can't persuade said customers that they'd be better off switching to a Mac, clearly something's very wrong. Surely it'd be like selling water to a man whose throat is a little dry and whose hair is on fire, no?

Unless, of course, we've finally stumbled upon the truth of Microsoft's inexplicable success and market dominance: most of the world's population consists of honest-to-gosh masochists. The reason these people aren't switching to Macs is because they have a deep-seated psychological need for the humiliation and defilement that only Windows use can deliver. What can we say? It's a sick world out there.

SceneLink (4101)
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The above scene was taken from the 7/25/03 episode:

July 25, 2003: BuyMusic.com just keeps digging its hole deeper and deeper; now it's trying to keep out anyone who doesn't use Windows and Internet Explorer. Meanwhile, a switcher defends the "Switch" campaign's effectiveness even as Apple removes the ads from its web site, and Microsoft admits that the systems of about 27 million of its customers crash at least three times a day...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4099: BuyMusic Stupidthon, Day 4 (7/25/03)   Aaaaand the BuyMusic.com fun train just keeps on chug-chug-chugging along-- although the company sure doesn't want Mac users to know about it. Faithful viewer Eric Beyer was the first of many to inform us that, all of a sudden, Mac users can't even access BuyMusic's web site, let alone buy anything from it...

  • 4100: What Constitutes Failure? (7/25/03)   There's nothing worse than a bored analyst. (Actually, we've heard that exfoliating with a Brillo pad and then dunking one's head in a bucket of Tabasco sauce is pretty bad, too, but it's a close race.)...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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