You Could Use The Exercise (6/25/03)
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Okay, so, all talk of benchmarks aside, at the very least no one's seriously going to claim that the G5 doesn't totally spank the G4 halfway to next Tuesday, right? So, uh, when can we get one "to go"? This is the Year of the Notebook, after all, so when's the PowerBook G5 going to hit the shelves? We've got a hankerin' to tote around a portable that can solve a system of linear equations with a million unknowns-- just because we can.

Except, of course, we can't. Yet. And probably not for quite some time. According to MacCentral, everyone's favorite Apple cofounder recombinant clone Greg Joswiak (man, he's getting a lot of airtime lately, isn't he? Good for him!) has gone on the record as saying, "[the G5] is not going in a PowerBook anytime soon," "G4s are in every other part of [Apple's] product line," and therefore "Motorola remains very important to us." Gee... so maybe we shouldn't have sent Motorola that farewell PooPoo Platter just yet, huh?

Now, we can't say we're surprised that the PowerBook G5 is still a distant dream, since it's probably going to take a lot of doing to cram a G5 into such a tiny space. (We actually had a mild panic attack when we finally watched the keynote, because for a second we thought the G5 wafer was the G5 itself. Nothing like a microprocessor the same physical size as a vinyl copy of Fleetwood Mac's "Rumours", right?) Then there's the cooling issue; we can't wait to see a PowerBook with nine fans pumping away. The thing would probably lift off and become airborne. Plus, how long did we have to wait between the introduction of the G4 chip and its eventual use in a shipping laptop? Almost a year and a half.

But we have a sneaking suspicion that the Mac-using community isn't going to want to wait that long, and unless Apple releases a PowerBook G5 within a few months of the Power Mac shipping in August, there are going to be large-scale riots tearing civilization apart. So here's our solution: Apple should just take a full-fledged Power Mac G5, staple a 23-inch Cinema HD Display to it, and call that the first G5 portable. Granted, at 64.5 pounds, that's possibly stretching the definition of "portable" a bit, but c'mon, it's got handles, right? So what are you complaining about?


 
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The above scene was taken from the 6/25/03 episode:

June 25, 2003: Intel fans all over the globe call Apple's G5 benchmarks the result of extensive cheating-- but Apple fires back. Meanwhile, Apple tells us not to expect a PowerBook G5 anytime soon, and Dell and Sears explore the depths of one another's lameness, and finally each back slowly away...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4036: Lies, Damn Lies, Statistics (6/25/03)   Gee, what a surprise; Apple publishes benchmark results which show that the Power Mac G5 outscores the fastest Intel-based systems, and, as faithful viewer moff moff points out, everybody and his Windows-using grandmother comes scurrying out of the woodwork to cry foul...

  • 4038: The Depths Of Lameness (6/25/03)   The AtAT staff has been in an introspective sort of mood, lately, and therefore we've been pondering some of life's imponderables. Like, which came first, the chicken or the egg? What's the sound of one hand clapping?...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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