Lightweights! All of 'em, lightweights! Remember that whole "Redmond Justice" fracas, in which, over the course of several years and several million taxpayer dollars, Microsoft was proven by an overwhelming preponderance of evidence to have willfully and illegally abused its monopoly position? Remember how, even after having lost on appeal, Microsoft's proposed settlement describes a "remedy" tantamount to a quick flick on the earlobe and a free lollipop? Remember how, after the changing of the guard in Washington a couple of years back, the new administration's Department of Justice rolled over so fast it caused a measurable seismic disturbance? And remember how only nine holdout states refused to sign the settlement, pushing for a remedy that might actually, you know, remedy something?

Well, those nine have been dropping like flies (as Microsoft offers to reimburse their court costs), and now another one bites the dust. As of last month, only West Virginia and AtAT's own home state of Massachusetts were still fighting the good fight by appealing the judge's decision to accept Microsoft's proposed settlement, and now faithful viewer NavyGuy tells us that West Virginia has just caved; the Boston Globe reports that the Attorney General Darrell McGraw Jr. is "abandoning further appeals" due to a "broader settlement" that also resolves antitrust and class action suits filed against the company in West Virginia. Which means that our own Attorney General Thomas Reilly is the last man standing in the fight to make things right.

"Nothing has changed," says Reilly's spokesperson. "Massachusetts remains committed to this appeal and will see it through. We have always known that this would not be an easy path, but a necessary one to hold Microsoft accountable for its anticompetitive behavior and restore consumer choice and competition in the marketplace." Reilly himself then added, "Screw the rest of you wussified Attorneys General; go slink off with your tails between your legs and count your dirty money while a real man takes care of those dastardly nogoodniks in Redmond! For I am REILLY! ALL BOW BEFORE ME!"

It should be noted that comments attributed to Reilly himself come courtesy of AtAT sources, and are therefore somewhat unreliable.

AtAT sources also report that Reilly is holding out for a remedy that includes free hits-- two hard ones on the arm each, to be delivered by Reilly himself to every single Microsoft employee, past, present, and future. We hear he's also pushing for a shot to give Bill Gates an atomic wedgie, while his original demand to strap Steve Ballmer down and give him a pinkbelly is being revised after the discover that Ballmer's belly is, in actuality, already pink. Very pink. It's pretty gross, actually.