Two Suits, Lots Of Waiting (6/12/03)
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Hey, so does a story qualify as news if it's not so much saying "this is happening," but rather "this is still happening"? What about if it's saying "this is still happening, and nobody ever noticed in the first place"? Our guess is yes, based on NBC's First Law of Summer Reruns: "If you haven't seen it, it's new to you." Words to live by, people. That said, to us, the whole issue over whether the Great Apple UNIX Court Battle is news or not is moot-- it's drama, baby, and nothing else matters.

Or, rather, it will be drama. Someday. Maybe. Faithful viewer Victor alerted us to a CNET article (by way of MacMinute) which reports the Apple is being sued by The Open Group, who claims to own the rights to the trademark "UNIX" and therefore takes umbrage at Apple constantly yammering on about how Mac OS X has UNIX underpants. Underpinnings. Whatever. Allegedly Apple is supposed to pay about $110,000 to license the name "UNIX" and allow Mac OS X to "undergo testing to certify that it complies with [The Open Group's] standards for software bearing the UNIX name." Apple countersued, claiming that the term "UNIX" has become generic and the trademark should be tossed. Alrighty then-- we've got a suit. We've got a countersuit. Let's get ready to rumble!

Or, more accurately, let's begin to consider the possibility of evaluating when to commence the start of rumbling. As it turns out, these lawsuits originated way back in December of 2001, and they still haven't gone to trial yet. Apparently the reason it's making the news now is that 1) nobody actually remembers anything about all this from the first time around, and 2) both sides just filed briefs (man, what is it with underwear today?) aiming for "an exchange of factual documents completed by August" and a trial in February of 2004. (For those of our international readers who are perhaps unfamiliar with the U.S. court system, this is what we refer to as "the fast track.")

You can be sure we'll keep you updated on this rock 'em sock 'em case whenever anything actually happens-- so check back in, say, two months or so, and again a half year after that. You'll still be on the edge of your seat by then, right? What are we saying-- of course you will.


 
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


 

The above scene was taken from the 6/12/03 episode:

June 12, 2003: A bunch of people took us way too seriously and now hundreds are dead. Meanwhile, Apple's use of the name "UNIX" prompted a lawsuit-- 18 months ago-- and QuarkXPress 6 ships next week, or maybe at the end of July; it all depends on whom you ask...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 4009: Oh Boy, Damage Control! (6/12/03)   Whoops! It seems that, once again, we have inadvertently driven scores of Mac fans to their untimely and needless deaths. Who knew that a quick and heavily-tempered throwaway caution about some lingering third-hand doubts surrounding a Power Mac G5 intro at WWDC that we slapped in at the end of a book report would send so many excitable rumor junkies scurrying for the nearest high window ledge?...

  • 4011: Next Week Or Next Month? (6/12/03)   Wow, we knew this whole "QuarkXPress 6 for Mac OS X shipping next week" thing was big news, but we really didn't grasp just how big. Remember how Quark's head honcho Fred Ebrahimi was acting all insane and stuff, going off in public about how the Mac was a dying platform, publishing was a dying industry, anyone who didn't like Quark's attitude could switch to something else except switching to InDesign would be committing suicide, etc.?...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

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