Man, That's Good Benadryl (11/22/02)

It's here it's here it's HERE! Or, more accurately, it's there: at 3:07 this morning, faithful viewer Ellen Fan tipped us off to the fact that the world's first and only Ellen Feiss interview is now available online at the Brown Daily Herald site, and it's so chock full of mind-blowing info about our heroine that we're this close from needing to be hospitalized for observation.

First of all, let's get this bit out of the way straight off: while it never mattered one whit to us what chemicals might be waltzing their way through Ms. Feiss's bloodstream during the ad shoot, for some reason it seems to be a matter of vital importance to a great many people, so we're gratified to see that Brown didn't balk at addressing the whole "stoner" issue. And we're especially pleased to note that Ellen's own explanation for her red eyes and spacey demeanor (Benadryl and seasonal allergies) was actually darn close to what we had heard from unnamed sources associated with the making of the commercial (cough syrup and a head cold). Our inner contrarians are always pleased to see an unpopular alternate theory be proved (almost) correct. Anyway, now that we've gotten an explanation straight from the sophomore's mouth, will everybody just drop the stoner references, already? (We're guessing "no.")

For us, the real juice is all about the current nature of celebrity. What, you thought that Ellen's newfound stardom for appearing in a thirty-second ad that was rarely shown on TV would be limited to occasionally getting recognized down at the mall? Not quite, buddy. Get this: she has an agent, who is currently "floating her image." Jay Leno and David Letterman both tried to book her for their shows. Some guy at MTV is working on a pilot simply because "he liked the ad" and thought Ellen was a "cute kid." The Farrelly Brothers called her and wanted to put her in a movie, until they found out she was only fifteen.

Clearly this has all gotten way out of hand, but if Ellen wants to use her cult following as a springboard into a show biz career, more power to her. Our own personal suggestion as a vehicle for her fame? Hey, Joss Whedon-- we hear Sarah Michelle Gellar may not be returning for an eighth season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Well, Ellen's exactly the right age for the Slayer to be called. So make her the Chosen One, already, assuming that vamp dust doesn't aggravate seasonal allergies.

Other points of note:

  • Ellen was given an iPod for making the commercial, so we've now got yet another way to score a free iPod to add to the list: get featured in a Switch ad.

  • And how exactly does one get featured in one of those commercials? Apparently it's all about whom you know; Ellen is friends with fellow Switcher Hamilton Morris-- who is himself the son of the ads' director, Errol Morris. (Oh, don't look so shocked. And don't even ask us what we've heard about Liza Richardson.)

  • The paper which was devoured by her dad's PC was about Chinatown. But probably not the movie.

  • She calls the Dell dude a doofus. If there's any justice at all in this world, that alone should land her a three-picture contract with Universal Studios.

The only question remaining is, will Ellen manage to cement her celebrity status before the world transfers its unhealthy obsession to Janie Porche? An anonymous faithful viewer already pointed out the "Stalking Janie Porche" page. Psssst, Janie! Play your cards right and we bet you can land a guest spot on "Birds of Prey"!

SceneLink (3857)
And Now For A Word From Our Sponsors

From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far


The above scene was taken from the 11/22/02 episode:

November 22, 2002: Finally, more Feiss than you can shake a stick at: the first ever interview with Ellen is now available online. Meanwhile, Apple's own web site lists a new feature in Jaguar that may make certain rumormongers' hearts sing with joy...

Other scenes from that episode:

  • 3858: Is This A Flaying Offense? (11/22/02)   Finally, we find we need to issue an utter and complete retraction. What can we say, folks? Sometimes we just plain get things wrong. For example, yesterday we mentioned that even Mac OS Rumors was predicting at least four more years of PowerPC-based Macs, which, coupled with the complete and utter failure of the Apple-AMD COMDEX rumors to bear any fruit, pretty much laid to rest any hope of Macs running AMD chips in the near future-- or so we thought...

Or view the entire episode as originally broadcast...

Vote Early, Vote Often!
Why did you tune in to this '90s relic of a soap opera?
Nostalgia is the next best thing to feeling alive
My name is Rip Van Winkle and I just woke up; what did I miss?
I'm trying to pretend the last 20 years never happened
I mean, if it worked for Friends, why not?
I came here looking for a receptacle in which to place the cremated remains of my deceased Java applets (think about it)

(1250 votes)

As an Amazon Associate, AtAT earns from qualifying purchases

DISCLAIMER: AtAT was not a news site any more than Inside Edition was a "real" news show. We made Dawson's Creek look like 60 Minutes. We engaged in rampant guesswork, wild speculation, and pure fabrication for the entertainment of our viewers. Sure, everything here was "inspired by actual events," but so was Amityville II: The Possession. So lighten up.

Site best viewed with a sense of humor. AtAT is not responsible for lost or stolen articles. Keep hands inside car at all times. The drinking of beverages while watching AtAT is strongly discouraged; AtAT is not responsible for damage, discomfort, or staining caused by spit-takes or "nosers."

Everything you see here that isn't attributed to other parties is copyright ©,1997-2024 J. Miller and may not be reproduced or rebroadcast without his explicit consent (or possibly the express written consent of Major League Baseball, but we doubt it).