Far be it from us to send you off on your weekend pondering evil thoughts, but we found this so incomprehensible, we have no choice but to risk it. See, Katie (AtAT's resident fact-checker and Goddess of Minutiae) was clicking around in a desperate attempt to avoid doing any actual work when she stumbled upon a truly frightening sight: an entire CNN article about "Steven," that oh-so-irritating television spokesperson for Dell Computer. Yes, the "dude, you're getting a Dell" guy. We weep for the death of the spirit and the soul.

Granted, to some folks out there, maybe Steven's whole slack-jawed suckup routine is no less offensive than, say, Jeff Goldblum blathering on about people who "don't have an email," but the bit we don't get isn't so much the people who find him no more offensive than other unrepentant we-admit-we're-selling-to-idiots ad campaigns out there-- it's the people who eat this "Steven" stuff up with a spoon. See, this is the scary part: apparently, lots of people just love Steven. They can't get enough of him. Steven gets fan mail; when teenage girls run into the actor who portrays him, they ask for hugs. He is, as perplexing as this is to us, wildly popular with the mass television-watching / computer-buying audience.

We shouldn't be shocked, we suppose, given the mass popularity of 'N SYNC, the fact that Windows holds 95% of the market, or the way that "Suddenly Susan" stayed on the air for something like eighty-six consecutive seasons. Still, somehow we're having a really hard time fathoming how this ad campaign has reportedly doubled Dell's recognition factor and its success is all the buzz in the advertising world. So, what does everyone think? Pact with Satan, right? Has to be.

For what it's worth, Ben Curtis, the actor whose portrayal of Steve has almost-- almost, mind you-- made us regard our own television with dread, "eventually hopes to make independent films." Here's a tip, Ben; if you ever get to live your dream, stay behind the camera. Because to us, it won't matter if you're playing Hamlet with a subtlety and insight that prompts Sir Laurence Olivier's ghost to materialize from the spirit plane just to tell you that you "kick royal ass": to us, you're still going to be that damn Dell guy in desperate need of a savage beatdown with a sack full of doorknobs. It's a sad reality for a 21-year-old acting student to face, but why sugar-coat it?

Meanwhile, Ben remains blissfully unaware of the fact that from now on, he's unlikely ever to be offered roles in any films other than Dude, Where's My Car? 2: Bro, Where Are My Keys? Says he of the Steven/Dell success, "we found an energy that a lot of people can appeal to, and if you don't hate it, you can laugh at it." Needless to say, we're not laughing.