So there we were at the mall (not a mall, the mall-- show some respect), drowning amid a sea of desperate shoppers and practically choking on the stench of fear. Normally we can handle the crunch of holiday shopping better than most mortal beings, but this year we let our guard down just for a second and were badly trampled by a marauding band of frothing Xbox-seekers following up on a hot tip about a new delivery at K*B Toys. As we struggled to retain consciousness, it took every bit of strength we could muster to drag our pummelled bodies cross-stream and take refuge in the first store we reached. We haven't come so close to shuffling off this mortal coil since that time we foolishly attempted to watch a whole episode of "The Love Boat: The Next Wave."

As we caught our breath and shook hands with Mr. Disorientation, we suddenly realized that we were staring at a beautiful crystal ball, and as we stared deep within, it unlocked the mysteries of the universe for us. Well, okay, maybe not the mysteries of the universe, per se, but at least the mysteries of Macworld Expo-- and really, what else matters? The mystical swirling patterns deep inside seemed to whisper to us in a long-forgotten language, of which we had miraculously been granted total comprehension. Things clicked into place. All was right with the cosmos.

So here's what the crystal revealed: as we suspected, the PowerPC G5 won't be making an appearance (not for another six months, anyway), and instead, we'll get faster Power Mac G4s starting at 933 MHz and punching well past the gigahertz barrier. The long-awaited flat-panel iMac is a definite go, though the specs are fuzzy-- although we do see the nearly-as-long-awaited "iPhoto" consumer image-editing app coming along for the ride, and it looks to be sort of like Mac OS X's "Image Capture" application on steroids and dipped in a pretty iCandy coating. Speaking of Mac OS X, there was a definite vibe that January 7th would constitute the official switchover; as of that date, upon first boot, owners of all new Macs will be greeted with the pleasing contours of Aqua. As for an iBook revision to keep things on par with the new iMac, the crystal says no, but hints at an update in Tokyo. All in all, vague but satisfying.

Of course, when we finally regained our wits later on, it became all too apparent that our minds had temporarily melted with the holiday pressure and we'd actually been standing in Spencer Gifts and staring at a lava lamp for three straight hours. (The employees eventually snapped us out of it by poking us in the kidneys with broom handles at closing time.) As such, you should probably keep the source in mind when you consider the above predictions, but we can say this much: that was by far the most earnest prognosticative lava lamp we've yet to stare at while in an altered mental state-- and that's saying something.