Help us out, here, folks-- we're considering optioning the Mike Dell story for a biographical miniseries, since we figure the harrowing tale of the man's increasing obsession with Steve Jobs and Apple and his continuing descent into mimicry and madness ought to pull in some decent ratings... say, a twenty share, at least. Our only problem (aside from a handful of legal, financial, moral, logistical, and philosophical issues) is that we're having a little trouble coming up with a catchy title. So tell us the truth: would you tune in to watch a miniseries event called Psycho See, Psycho Do? Granted, it's no Pirates of Silicon Valley, but hey, they can't all be gems.

We're also running into some minor difficulties completing the script, because frankly, it's a bit of a moving target. Every time we think we've reached the end, ol' Mikey goes and pulls yet another copycat act that just has to be in the miniseries. For instance, as faithful viewer Jethro alerted us, now Mr. Dell is apparently jealous of Apple's new racial discrimination lawsuit; according to an article that appeared just this past Saturday in The Tennessean, Dell has managed to get its own butt sued by an irate employee on the grounds of preferential treatment based on race. Now that's some quick turnaround! See what our scriptwriters are up against?

Of course, as usual, Dell's copycat move is just different enough not to be overly blatant. While Apple is being sued for $40 million by a man who claims he was fired because he happens to be African American, Dell is facing a relatively puny $1.3 million suit by a white man claiming that "he was passed over at least five times for jobs that were filled by lesser-qualified black people." The reverse-discrimination angle is a nice touch, and ought to transfer well to a prime time drama, but if Mike thinks he's fooling anyone by introducing these subtle differences, he's only fooling himself. Still, we have to admit-- his timing is impeccable.

You know, now that we think about it, maybe a miniseries isn't the right format for the Mike Dell story after all. The man's psychosis just keeps getting worse, his little "episodes" are becoming ever more frequent, and we doubt they're going to stop anytime soon. So instead of having a single never-finished script, perhaps we should consider a weekly or even daily structure, something that's a worthy vehicle for all the drama, like a soap oper-- uh, yeah. You know what? Never mind.