For the record, we were wrong: Apple isn't technically "beleaguered" again-- it's "struggling." At least, that's how Reuters describes our protagonist in an article addressing the latest buyout rumors to hit the airwaves. That's right, people; Apple's posting its first quarterly loss in three years, Cubes aren't selling, Dell took the lead in educational sales, holiday sales were down 40%, and the entire company's evidently going to hell in a translucent handbasket. Those are the ideal conditions in which an Apple buyout rumor can thrive and flourish.

Those of you who have been through this spiel before, however, might be surprised to hear that while Apple, as ever, is the buyee, the identity of the buyer isn't who you'd expect. We know, we know... you've all been raised on a steady diet of innuendo that Disney is the huge, monolithic corporation who will someday swallow Apple whole and put Mickey ears on the next iMac. But we're in the year 2001 now, and all those rumors about Walt's cryogenically frozen head having his eye set squarely on One Infinite Loop are probably long overdue for retirement. Besides, there are plenty of other huge, monolithic corporations out there who might like a crack at the role of Perennial Apple Buyout Candidate. It's time for an Apple Buyout Rumor for the new millennium.

Imagine our joy, then, to hear that the foreign markets were awash in rumors that Apple was about to be snapped up by none other than Sony! Imagine, too, our disappointment when discovering that Sony isn't yet proficient in the art of letting a rumor germinate, breathe, and mellow before killing it with an outright denial. The company's chief executive "flatly denied" any chance of a Sony-Apple merger on the very same day that the rumors surfaced, and even went so far as to say that Sony wouldn't even consider a bid if Apple extended one. Sigh... another promising rumor deep-sixed before it ever had a chance to work its way into the collective consciousness. Maybe the next buyout rumor will fare better.

This scene was taken from the 1/5/2001 episode:

		Friday, 1:17 PM: Well, that didn't last long; the 733 MHz G4 rumor suffers a credibility hit. Meanwhile, rumors of an Apple buyout spring up overseas, but the alleged buyer isn't who you think, and SkyCorp's 544 Mac-based satellites will house Apple-donated Cubes...

Other scenes from this episode include:

733 MHz: We Want To Believe: If you're still rushing around trying to decide which personal items and/or family members to hock in order to scrape together enough cash for one of the first 733 MHz G4 Power Macs off the production line next week, slam on those brakes and brace for a screeching halt... Scene

Can't Sell 'Em? Launch 'Em!: Remember that wacky scheme to shoot a bunch of Macs out into space, link them up into a global satellite network, and communicate with them via a wireless networking architecture best described as AirPort on steroids?... Scene

Click on one to see it. Or perhaps you'd like to see the whole episode as originally broadcast?

Bored? Take a trip down memory lane and see what happened One Year Ago, Two Years Ago, Three Years Ago, Four Years Ago, Five Years Ago, or even Six Years Ago today! Or leave your entertainment up to the fates, and see a Random Episode...

What disappoints you most about the video iPod 1.0?
	It doesn't get Cinemax
	It requires far too much physical effort to cram a DVD into the Dock connector
	You can't stick your face in the screen like with the TV in Videodrome
	Showing home movies on the iPod makes it too easy for viewers to escape
	I can fit 140 hours of TV in my pocket, but it sure is a hassle lugging this couch everywhere I go
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