TV-PGMay 9, 2003: The Apple Store Bellevue Square opens tomorrow-- 2.6 miles from Bill Gates's house. Meanwhile, Smith Barney upgrades Apple's stock rating (sort of), and Microsoft responds to Apple's security flaw by showing 'em how the pros do it...
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From the writer/creator of AtAT, a Pandemic Dad Joke taken WAYYYYYY too far

 
Tomorrow: Seattleite Of Love (5/9/03)
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Mac-using Seattleites, your time of salvation is at hand! Less than a day remains before the Apple Store Bellevue Square throws open its doors and finally ushers in the Pacific Northwest's own Age of Relatively Non-Sucky Retail. Now that Apple has over fifty stores scattered (well, sort of scattered) across this great land, the average Apple retail grand opening is no longer the take-a-sick-day, drive-hundreds-of-miles, get-in-line-at-3-AM, party-with-fellow-Mac-fiends-until-your-knees-fall-off occasion it once was-- but given the significance of this particular event, we expect that the grand opening celebration will be a massive and memorable affair. Why, we bet some people will drive all the way up from Tacoma. Maybe even-- dare we say it?-- Olympia.

(Whereas the line at the grand opening of the Apple Store Walt Whitman, the seventh Apple retail outlet in New York State, will likely consist of the cartoon character Droopy Dog waving a little flag and intoning, "I'm so happy.")

Why is this such a big deal, you ask? Because the Apple Store Bellevue Park is within spitting distance of Redmond, placing it, if not exactly in the belly of the beast, then at least somewhere in the general vicinity of the beast's left nipple. Indeed, faithful viewer Dan Schwartz notes that Apple's new store is so close to Bill Gates's house, it's practically in the man's backyard. In fact, Dan even put up an alternate Bellevue page just for Bill, with directions to the store directly from Casa Gates. Turns out that Bill only has to drag his butt 2.6 miles and past the country club to see all of Apple's latest and greatest on display, so if you go to the grand opening, keep your eyes peeled, because you might just happen to spot the guy licking all the copies of Office X.

Let us just take a moment to go on the record here and state in no uncertain terms that we are firmly opposed to any Mac fans using that map to find their way from the store to Bill's house, armed with rolls of toilet paper, cartons of eggs, and dog feces in easily-ignitable paper bags. We don't cotton to that sort of thing at all. Nope. Nuh-uh. So if you're planning something untoward and hilarious after the grand opening involving trespassing and petty vandalism at the Gates residence, just leave us out of it. That means you, John Moltz!

But, uh, send us an iDVD, okay?

 
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Analysts Have REAL Powers (5/9/03)
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You know, even if you're more likely to kiss a diseased stoat full on the lips than actually buy anything from Apple's iTunes Music Store, you have to admit one thing: it was a good move on Apple's part if for no reason other than the massive boost its stock price has received. In the two weeks of trading since Apple unveiled its foray into the commercial music biz, AAPL has jumped about four and a half bucks, or roughly 33%. Not too shabby. (Coincidentally, though, that's the same time frame since we've returned to the airwaves. Do you suppose that the increase in stock performance is actually because of... nahhhhh.)

Anyway, it seems that the Wall Street analysts are finally starting to climb on board. According to CBS MarketWatch, Smith Barney analyst and known smartypants Richard Gardner had a major epiphany and declared that he was upgrading AAPL from "underperform" to "in-line." (Oooooo.) Yes, due to the early success of the iTunes Music Store, Mr. Gardner has raised his price target on Apple's stock from $15 a share to a whopping $18, adding that "while our revised target suggests little upside potential, we see relatively limited downside potential from current levels as well." Gee, thanks, Dick. Don't fall all over yourself in your rush to praise Apple or anything.

Then again, a stock price upgrade pretty much guarantees a price boost of some degree, so it's like money in the bank, and we'll take a backhanded compliment over no compliment any day of the week (well, except Sunday-- that's our "Me Time") as long as it comes attached to some cash. Heck, we're not proud; pay us five bucks and you can call us just about anything you want right to our collective face and we'll smile while you say it. (That's the consumer price. Education customers get a price break, and know-it-all analysts have to shell out a twenty. C'mon, you can afford it, you maestros you.)

Of course, you really have to wonder about these wunderkind analysts who raise a stock's price target to $18 from $15 when said stock is already trading at over $17.50 and rising. At broadcast time, AAPL had indeed managed to breach the $18 barrier, entire hours after Gardner's amazing prediction. Where, oh where do these analysts get their divine insight into stock market behavior? So in awe are we of Gardner's astounding predictive powers, we're starting to think he might even be able to foretell what TV shows will broadcast on what channels up to a full day in advance, armed with nothing more than a current issue of TV Guide. Strange, yet odd!

 
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Okay, Fine-- Microsoft Wins (5/9/03)
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Say, remember a few days ago when we mentioned that Apple had fixed a security flaw in its web site that allowed clever but naughty people to take control of any Apple ID by arbitrarily resetting its password? Well, it looks like reigning anti-security king Microsoft decided it didn't like Apple horning in on its action. According to faithful viewer Sam R., CNET is reporting that a similar security flaw to Apple's was recently uncovered with Microsoft's Passport service-- similar, but potentially about a gazillion times worse.

Apparently somebody discovered that stringing together a specific URL with a couple of known email addresses allowed him to reset the password of any Passport account he chose. And while it does sound like the same basic flaw as discovered with Apple's ID system, there are a couple of important differences. The first is that Passport accounts apparently contain a lot more sensitive info than Apple IDs-- for instance, full credit card info. So whereas the Apple flaw potentially allowed someone to buy a few Boyz II Men songs via One-Click at the iTunes Music Store, the Microsoft flaw allows naughty people to run rampant with your entire line of credit. So, yeah, Microsoft wins on that point.

And then there's also the issue of punishment. Faithful viewer Sam Beard noticed an Associated Press story that reports that, in response to past security sloppiness with Passport, Microsoft was ordered by the FTC to enact "reasonable safeguards to protect personal consumer information during the next two decades or risk fines up to $11,000 per violation." Well, the FTC is investigating this latest snafu, and apparently "each vulnerable account could constitute a separate violation." Which means that Microsoft is theoretically accountable for fines ranging up to $2.2 trillion.

Of course, since this is Microsoft we're talking about, instead of paying $2.2 trillion, they'll wind up being ordered to pay a $50 fine and attend mandatory traffic school. But still, it's the thought that counts. As for Apple, well, this has shown that it's still got a long way to go before it even comes close to catching up to Microsoft's security-themed ineptitude. It's nice to have goals, though, right?

 
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